The emotional side of having an ostomy can be as messy as a blowout. We all deal with it differently; for some, the news is devastating, a necessary evil. Others take it in their stride. And, for some, like me, they love their ostomy because life before was unbearable.
Whether your ostomy is temporary or permanent, how you deal with it is a choice. You can choose to let it define you, or you can embrace its quirks with humour, which is exactly what I do.
Meet Stig
Stig is my stoma. He is a colostomy with his own personality. I describe him as a pestilent child. He’s naughty, funny and has a habit of interrupting conversations with hilariously inappropriate noises. He misbehaves regularly, has tantrums if I feed him something he doesn’t like and can be stubborn when I ask him to be good. He loves a bagless bubble bath and enjoys the freedom, but can sometimes forget that the bag has been removed.
The Meet and Greet
Our first meeting was a baptism of fire. I awoke from surgery with a new addition that I had no time to research or read into. It’s very unlike me to be prepared, but there was no time. I was whipped into surgery quicker than you could say ‘WTF’.
Groggy from the drugs, the nurse informed me that the bowel tends to go into a bit of a strop when it has been messed with, so she removed my colostomy bag and inserted a very large pill straight into my stoma, which Stig spat straight out again in protest.
Before long, the magic pill worked and resulted in my very first blowout! Lucky me! Well, they say shit happens, and that day it did. The poop went EVERYWHERE! Still weak from surgery and in a crazy amount of pain, I had no option but to call for a nurse.
I was embarrassed and devastated that I found myself so helpless and covered in poop. I had only bought one set of PJs, and nothing short of a 60° rinse cycle was going to fix it. The nurse was so calm and relaxed as I sat in the bathroom sobbing my heart out as she helped me get into the shower, which I had to do sitting down and with several tubes and bags attached to me.
The nurse helped me stand to strip me off when Stig decided to introduce himself in the most dramatic way possible. He projectile pooped straight at the head of the nurse who was bent down. Thankfully, his shot was off, and it missed her head by an inch! Not funny at the time, but hilarious now, I look back on it. And a great story which I tell all the time.
Moving on
Settling down with Stig and learning to live with him has been a journey. Not always pretty and certainly not easy, but we now have an understanding. I will feed him the foods he likes as long as he promises not to poop on anyone else. And certainly not the spicy soup which I enjoyed in hospital, but that’s another funny story for a different day!
Sooooooo funny
Using humour is a coping mechanism which I have used throughout my journey of dealing with a colostomy, chemo and cancer. After being given the all clear from stage 4, I aim to bring a smile to those affected by a life change and to say, it doesn’t all have to be doom and gloom. Laugh and release those endorphins and serotonin; they are miraculous medicines. Author Sarah English © 2026